Wow another term over and one lot of school holidays over. I can't believe the time has flown so quickly.

Oscar turns two on May 20th! I still remember my first glimpse of him and crying tears of joy that he could breathe and that he was going to be ok. He was born at 36 weeks and spent 5 long days in the special care nursery. Two of those days he was in a humidicrib with concetrated heat and air. I couldn't touch him or pick him up whenever I liked.

Pete took a video of him within his first hour of life so I could see him as I couldn't get out of bed due to having a caesar. I watch it frequently especially when I need a reminder of how fragile life is and how much I have to be grateful for. Two years on it never fails to make me cry. Hearing the grunts as he struggles to breath will be a sound I never forget.

We had 5 miscarriages while trying to conceive Oscar. I bled right the way through Oscar pregnancy and spent most of it on bed rest. I nearly had him prematurely so many times. Oscar was a baby that was determined to make it. He was determined to meet us.

When I look at him and realise how much he has changed me and my families lives I know he was meant to come. It couldn't have been anyone else. Oscar is definetly the child who has taught me the most and I have grown the most after having him.

He is a joy. He is refreshing. He reminds me of an angel or a cherub. He amazes me constantly. His determination and persistence allow him to learn and to excel at whatever he chooses to do. Somedays I feel like he is 2 going on 5.

He is intelligent, persistent, determined. These are the qualities that challenge me the most but the ones I also realise that are mine. He has so much of me in his personality.

I find that personally I enjoy 2 years and up more than any time. I am looking forward to the independence and the conversations:) But I really want to put a hold on Oscar. He has grown up way too quickly for me. I want to hold onto this babyhood.

I know Oscar will be my last child. I can't stand to go through the miscarriages and the devestation again. I can't stand to go through the special care nursery and the struggling to breathe again. Its sad for me though to accept this will be my last child. That from now on my life moves to a different level a different stage which doesnt involve a cherubic baby.

Thomas has really moved on to the next stage too. I always worry about him so much. It was confirmed that he had glandular fever for most of 2006. It certainly explains the vomiting, diahorrea, legs aching, tummy aches, headaches, rashes, loss of weight, tired ness and tantrums. But he really still hasn't recovered. The paed has explained to me that his immune system is quite low and it may take quite a while for it to get back to normal. So until then every cold, gastro or virus illness is going to make him really badly sick. Last week he caught a cold and it turned into a chest and ear infection in only 2 days. He lost weight and it is still lingering on.

The autism gets so much worse when he is sick. The meltdowns increase and it gets so much harder to get through to him. Luckily his mummy is a normal point in his life and he finds he can come to me for calming down. I am so glad I can help him in that way.

we had parent interviews the other day and he is doing ok. He is happy there which is great and participating in the activities. He is way behind with his writing and drawing. he finds it very hard to muster the strength to hold the pencil and to make a mark. He is great at maths apparantly apart from the writing down of the numbers. He likes to participate but often find the need for his own space.

The teachers are wonderful. There is one that is the main prep teacher and then there is another that does PE, maths and science. Both are great teachers and without them I really don't think that Thomas would be so happy and comfortable. The prep class also has two regular aides that stay in the classroom. So Thomas gets a lot of extra help.

He seems to have made friends lots actually as it is an especially close prep class. He has one special friend who is just lovely. Perfect for Thomas and they really stick together. He treats Thomas with such respect and obviously respects the fact that Thomas can be a bit odd sometimes.

They want him to have speech pathology which I guess is a shock for me. Apparently he is struggling to voice his opinions and ideas in class. He finds it hard to describe things. He finds it hard to understand instructions and follow through. Gramatically it is fine just the comprehension and the getting the words out. This is all part of autism but I really thought it was his strong point. He could always pronounce words perfectly. I have noticed he finds it hard to get words out and he doesn't talk much but I can recall some great conversations we have had too.

I guess I have been guilty of trying to convince myself it is normal 6 year old behaviour and he will just grow out of it. Brushing it off as "its not so bad" Sometimes I try to convince myself that he isn't autistic and that all the professionals have got it wrong. But when I see the massive developments Oscar has made and how he has passed Thomas in some areas of development I just can't deny the fact that he has problems. I can't deny the fact that rain or a shower feels like needles to Thomas or the fact that eating green foods make him physically sick. I can't deny the fact I have to give him instructions over and over again till he does the thing then do it all over again in two minutes for something different. I can't pretend that Thomas doesn't take a major amount of effort and guidance in everything he does. A lot of the time Oscar takes less effort to control and help than Thomas does. Its really hard and really draining.

My greatest fear is that Thomas will be kept down this year. I know its a possibility and its scary. The teachers haven't said anything but I know he is far behind the others. I just get the feeling it is a possibility.

The good thing about school is Thomas loves and thrives on the routine. He thrives on knowing everything has its time and place. He loves sitting next to the same people and playing the same things at play time. He loves the mental challenge and the fun they have. He really enjoys school which is a major positive.